Malvolio’s Twin
3 F/8 M (Genderqueer casting also welcome)
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Premise: In Malvolio’s Twin, an imaginative sequel to Twelfth Night, Malvolio, tormented by his previous mistreatment, and mocked by his peers, considers suicide, until he is rescued by his previously unknown, identical twin brother, Vladimir. Vladimir feels pity for his twin, and suggests that Malvolio relax and adopt another identity, while Vladimir takes on his brother’s role and settles some old scores.
ACT III - SCENE 5
(Enter Malvolio and Vladimir. Vladimir is attired in dark clothing. Malvolio is disguised as Sir Ulrico, a knight.)
MALVOLIO
I am loath to leave chambers. You risk our countenance to guests mingling candles that might puzzle our features together. Why bring me to this musty cellar?
VLADIMIR
Be a man!
MALVOLIO
Lower thy voice.
VLADIMIR
Lose thy fear I say and be a man! You slough advantage to hobnob royalty while trepidation keeps thee caged.
MALVOLIO
I would back to the darkness of those chambers, unseen.
VLADIMIR
This disguise should be thy freedom, not thy imprisonment. Have I not invented an avatar worth the pain of disappearing? Implement thy disguise into this public!
MALVOLIO
I am dull at pretending faces. I would be Malvolio again.
VLADIMIR
And I say there is no such thing. You are nothing but the artifact of aspiration’s theft, a shadow of a man robbed of his dreams who gives no effort to right his own soul’s ship. If you will not play in this disguise, then you have nowhere else to retreat, for who is a man removed of his own self-pride? What becomes he deprived of his own humanity? Doth he find the same cares of the world? Do the same ambitions inspire his heart? If robbed of character, who is he? Doth his speech the same sound resonate? Doth language the same patterns annunciate? In short, is this man, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
I need not someone I’ve just met to tell me who I am.
VLADIMIR
Thy new brother knows thee better than you think.
MALVOLIO
Dismiss my uniform or I shall strip it.
VLADIMIR
Now, there’s a man.
MALVOLIO
I will once again be steward to this house!
VLADIMIR
Unless you would be a murderer, you must never be this steward again.
MALVOLIO
How now? Murderer? What mean thee by that?
VLADIMIR
Come. These cellar doors beckon our mutual strength. I shall show thee there is no way back. Lift and open. Come, now. Lift, I say. This prize is for thee. Now, look there. Is this not a good start?
MALVOLIO
Oh, stench! Foul maggots that offend hell. What is that headless body between the casks?
VLADIMIR
Can you identify one without its head?
MALVOLIO
I think this be the stature of Feste.
VLADIMIR
Ay. And our lady shall note his absence to be much longer this time around. How might you compliment me for this great trophy?
MALVOLIO
I have not asked thee for this.
VLADIMIR
Consider it a brother’s generosity.
MALVOLIO
You have the gall to dispatch him with my own face?!
VLADIMIR
I do for thee, what you cannot do for thyself. You should thank me.
MALVOLIO
You are a fiend!
VLADIMIR
And you are a cuckold to life! A pitiful indecisive who will not repay the debt for vengeance!
MALVOLIO
This action exceeds the plot.
VLADIMIR
Tell me, why do you save such mementos in thy closet?
MALVOLIO
What mementos?
VLADIMIR
Here.
(Vladimir shows yellow stockings to Malvolio.)
MALVOLIO
You scatter thyself through my belongings? Rooting boar! Eater of death!
VLADIMIR
Speak truly; in the heat of dreams, do not thy enemies ever meet their ends?
MALVOLIO
No thoughts will I reveal to thee.
VLADIMIR
Will you let them always laugh?
MALVOLIO
I will find my way back. I will be myself again.
VLADIMIR
Have I not shown thee the path from this misery? Either dissolve into thy weed’s escape or join me in revenge.
MALVOLIO
Get out! Get out!
VLADIMIR
Very well. I give thee leave to walk the hallway lit alone. We should not want our faces puzzled together.
(Exit Vladimir.)
MALVOLIO
Had I saved myself the pondering of who I am, who I was, or who I shall be, then that deep cliff might have been my high heaven, but alas a murderer now usurps my face.
(Exit Malvolio.)
